My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
