who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
