Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
In other news, I just burned my penis
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
