Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
