This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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