she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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