he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
