I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
