so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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