What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
