Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
