is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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