and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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