Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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