then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
