She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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