Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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