he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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