I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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