I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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