For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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