So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize