i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
