You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
