just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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