It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
