I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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