She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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