my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
