too bad you live with your parents still
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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