Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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