I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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