dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
there is glitter all over my balls
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
