alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
