he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
