if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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