We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
