Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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