In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
