my mouth tastes like poor choices
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just had sex on a roof
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
