Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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