I'm drive I can fine osifer
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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