It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
