Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
