she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
