Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
