If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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