he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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