Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize