I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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