All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
