ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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