sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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