Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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