think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
