R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
