i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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