mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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