jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
