if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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