if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
