You're my little dorito
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
