You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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