New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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