Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
