i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
