insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
