If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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