JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
