my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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