some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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