my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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