Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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