I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize