If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
