she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
