How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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