How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
